This blog entry may not sit well with some people.  You’ve been warned.

Today’s topic is something of a more delicate nature.  To be more precise, the topic is of a very egestive nature.  Egestive… think opposite of injestive.  Look it up.  This is your last warning before reading on.

Simply put, I do not understand the need for the “courtesy flush.”

Let me start at the beginning.

Like many others, I’ve had visits to the restroom where I was more considerate of the person in the adjacent stall than to my own bodily functions.  It’s embarrassing to be in a public restroom with all of “your business aired for everyone’s consideration.”  I get that.  Been there and done that.

I understand why people will flush their toilet while… well, while they cause an irritating noise and/or create aromatic distress.  To many, it seems courteous to the person behind the aluminum separation.  But, I fear, many do it simply out of embarrasement than courtesy.  They don’t want people knowing what their business entails at that particular moment.  Even though they probably will never see the person sitting, partitioned, next to them.  And even if they were to share that awkward moment at the sink while washing hands, they probably won’t make eye contact, and they definitely won’t discuss the sound of your defecation.

That being said, let me tell you where I’ve converged on this topic.

As my years have advanced, the things which I once loathed to discuss have changed.  The embarrassments I once suffered have less power over me.  More to the point, the things which were important to me, earlier in my more introverted life, are more or less gone.

And so, it is with this new sense of what it means to live in an adult world, I find myself at a loss as to the true purpose of that infamous mid-sedentary act.

First of all, we’re usually adults in that particular situation.  Kids, when faced with this scenario, often care less about the whole situation than grown ups do, but the ones who do usually give in to their body’s more pressing need.  And in my own particular moments of contemplation, I find myself surrounded by men in similar situations.

But what I do not understand is, why even waste the time and water to cover up something we all know is happening?  You’re in the restroom - there are a limited number of possible interactions within the restroom.  If you happen to be sitting on a commode, your interactions are even more specific.  In other words, I know what you’re doing in the stall next to me.  There really isn’t much reason to hide what you’re doing - I’m probably doing the same thing in my own stall.

If you find yourself flushing to remove an emanation rather than a resonance, need I remind you that you’re in the restroom?  If there’s ever a place to actually allow that smell to permeate the walls, this would be the room to do it in.  I’m not going to confront you about what just happened.  We’re in the restroom.

First, it’s the be expected in a restroom (and if you’re not expecting it, there’s something wrong with you).  Second, I’m glad it’s happening here, rather than getting a preview while standing behind you at the checkout.  Lastly, how can I get on your case about some smell (or noise) you made in the restroom when I was making similar smells (and noises) in the same room?

As far as I can tell, it makes more sense to go ahead and allow a natural process proceed than to delay it’s inevitability with coughing, subtle subterfuge, or water-wasting diversions.  The gist of it is is this: we’re both in the bathroom, we know why we’re here, we know what’s happening, so why bother to hide something we both know is happening anyway?  Let’s just accept what the restroom, public or private, is for, and move on with life.

Interestingly, for men, these same people have no problem standing inches away from each other at unseparated urinals while they do their business.  Yet, for some reason, these same men act like embarrassed school boys when sitting on toilets, where you can’t even see the person next to you.

You don’t owe me any courtesy in the restroom, aside from not sticking your head above (or below) the separation keeping us apart, and not trying to kick my door in while I’m doing my deed.

If you want to be courteous, do us all a favor and WASH YOUR HANDS before you leave the restroom.  I don’t understand why there are still people in this society who use a restroom without ever cleaning themselves.  As soon as you touched the door, you probably needed to wash your hands, and most likely because of someone else who doesn’t wash their hands.

Shame on you for being more concerned about the sound or the smell coming from your body than the germs spreading from your touch.

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